Let me tell you something about Shelley Mumps. We were best friends in sixth year. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then the summer before seventh year, I started going out with my first real boyfriend, James, who was totally gorgeous but then he moved on to Lily Evans, and Shelley was like, weirdly obsessed with him. Like, if I would blow her off to make out with James, she’d be like, “Why didn’t you tell you were going to go out with him?” and then go make out with Charlie Plex. And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with him?” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-couples party, I was like, “Shelley, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re a whore.” I mean I couldn’t have a whore at my party. There were gonna be girls there with their *boyfriends*. I mean, right? She was a WHORE. So then her mom owled my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the Spring for N.E.W.T.s, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she’s a prostitute.